He's Come Undone

About a month back, we got a notice from Cody's school to save the date for the annual "Winter Program." I asked Cody several times what it was all about, but he would always grin mischievously, and say, "You will find out everything at the concert. Until then it is a secret from you." I would hear him singing when he thought I wasn't listening (or forgot he has a monitor in his room) but he would always clam up when I asked him what he was singing. He began counting down the days to "The Performance on the Big High School Stage," as he referred to it. No one was more ready than he. We got dressed in his regulation rainbow wear (he was representing Yellow) and before we headed out, I tucked Cardinal, his trusty pocket pal, into his pocket -- just in case.

Here he is, practicing the "Months of the Year" song, in Spanish, on the way to the big show:

He was relaxed, excited, trembling with happy anticipation all the way there.

And here he is with his guests of honor, Kelly and Mark.

We arrived at The Big Stage and he got a sense of the room. But had no actual idea of what would happen or what singing on the big stage would be like, as his class was first. The initial excitement was contagious...

Then came the actual performance. I walked Cody backstage to line up with his classmates. This is when he started getting nervous.

When it was time to file onstage, his face crumpled. His confidence left him in one shudder. As I left him filing onto the risers, I could see his shoulders beginning to shake. I raced to the front of the auditorium, where I stood shamelessly blocking the cameras of what I assume were many irritated parents, because My Child Needed Me. It was one of those moments. I locked eyes with him the whole time, nodding madly, trying to will him to equilibrium by excessive double-thumbs-upping and grinning not unlike the Joker. He stared at me with wild-eyed-horse panic. He couldn't get a breath. It was all too much. After a moment, I noticed his hand plunge into his pocket and clutch Cardinal in desperation. "Thank you, Lord -- and Grandma Robbie! " I whispered to myself. " (A disgruntled parent with a video camera shot me a dark look. Yeah, 'cause it was so silent in that auditorium already.)

I think it might have been the only thing that helped him not sit down and sob.

It didn't help that they hadn't done a sound check. He hyperventilated through the first three songs, hands stiff at his sides, gulping for air, tears streaming down his cheeks.

But when it came time for the next three -- which involved music -- the CD player or speakers weren't working. So they decided to shut the curtain rather than have the kids stand there looking bored. They jerked them back open a second later, and the terror on Cody's face told me why.

But then they started again, haltingly, and little by little he began to sing. (And sign. Apparently he's learning sign language and Spanish. Who knew?)

By the final song, he was not smiling, but singing. I could hear Ms. Leavesley say to them, "Sing loud and strong!" And suddenly, Cody's voice rose above the crowd as he bellowed, "WHEN WE WORK TOGETHER, IT'S SUCH A SIGHT TO SEEEEEEEE....THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL WHEN WE LIVE IN HARMONY!"

He practically flew into my arms the second they were released, and sobbed into my hair, "Mommy, I really en-en-en-joyed that! I was a-a-a-mazing! I HAVE TO PEEEEEEEE!"

We had a much better time watching the other classes "perform." Best line of the night went to Cody, though, who had this to say about this little girl's homemade Hawaiian "grass skirt":

"Mom? Why is that little girl wearing a car wash? Her car wash is falling down."

ENCORE!

PS: Kelly, that headline is a double-entendre. For those of you who don't know the double part, we spent a good five minutes--two or three entire songs--watching a boy in one class staring downward and fiddling persistently...apparently his button and/or fly had popped open just before the curtains rose, and you've never seen a kid with more determination than he had, trying patiently to fix it while everyone else sang and flapped and whatnot.