Hope … and Change

Today was a really odd day.

Cordelia was … nice. Like, really nice. All day. This is worth noting, because things have been a bit rough over the past few weeks, with each of them presenting their own challenges. To wit:





Let me backtrack a bit. Two weeks ago, after a second consecutive weekend of us all just hating and being exhausted with our lot, I decided to call …

A Family Meeting. Uh oh.

The funny thing is, the kids LOVE family meetings. At first, anyway. They each get a chance to talk about their feelings. It's a little like Festivus. And the rules are that no one can interrupt anyone else. Cordelia, in particular, enjoys this forum.

So anyway, I decided to be proactive, not reactive, and facilitate a strategic offsite (well, in the family room). It was time for a deep dive. We needed to foster dialogue. To drill down and identify our pain points. To do a little benchmarking. To allow for a little pushback. I was looking to get some low-hanging fruit. Score some quick wins. Define Last Family 2.0, since we are definitely IPM. We needed to be focusing not just on the process, but to be a little more results-driven. So we needed to examine our core competencies. Look for some linkages, shift some paradigms. Think outside the box. Identify our performance gaps. Leverage our strengths. Coalesce around a vision. Maximize our synergy. Create a family mission statement. And then write down our key takeaways so we could hold each other accountable.

What did we do? We whiteboarded.

It was … hilarious. And, good for everyone. We have a lot of problems, it turns out. But the kids came up with great solutions. We each chose two personal goals to work on, wrote them down, and we're trying hard to up our performance, because at this point we should all be on a PIP.

Cody's meanness to Cordelia is the biggest obstacle we have to overcome, followed closely by her backtalk (and whining). So today, I took things a step further. I told Cody that every time he is mean to her, he has to give me a quarter. We'll put it in the poor box. I'm trying to get them to remember that when we're kind to others, we're kind to the Lord; when we're cruel to each other, it hurts His heart (whatsoever you did unto the least brothers and sisters of these, you did unto Me, and all that). So if there's a little pain point — handing over money — it's a good reminder. But that we'll try to take our failures and turn them into something beautiful for another of the least among us.

Or something like that. Today alone, we're going to be making a huge difference to those in need.

Anyway, let me get back to Cordelia. Usually, she wakes up grouchily (like me), stumbles into our room, and goes straight for Daddy. She either ignores me or is outright hostile. No hugs, no kisses, no greeting. It's painful, but I deal with it. Anyway, this morning, she came in and crawled right into my lap. Then stayed there, cuddling me, for five minutes. Then, when I asked her to brush her teeth, did so without whining. Then let me brush her hair…without a tantrum. Then went and got dressed. It was taking awhile, so I asked if she needed help, and she shut the door and said, "WAIT! THIS IS A SURPRISE!" When I was allowed in, she had … cleaned her room. She even made her bed.

Then she ate breakfast, without a fuss. She worked on her writing. We baked brownies. When Emma had a tantrum, she took it upon herself to calm Emma down, and then read to her for awhile. She took a long nap. She was … delightful. Loving. Generous of heart. The best core of Cora was right there on the surface. For hours on end.

(Obviously, these are my daughters.)

This was all a little … unexpected. A little unsettling, even. Here's the exchange J and I had via text, as I waited at the dentist to get my teeth done:

JVL: It's Opposite Day here. Emma had a tantrum and Cordelia calmed her down all by herself and is now reading to her.
SLL: Wow. She must be planning to go nuclear soon.
JVL: She's going to take over some innocent country this weekend. It's the only explanation.
SLL: I heard that President Obama is mysteriously coming back from vacation for a couple of days, on your tax dollar, for reasons no one will disclose. Perhaps things are starting to come together…
JVL: Cora is being sent to the Middle East to deal with ISIS.
SLL: They'll cave. 
JVL: ISIS is so f*%$d. 

Anyway, toward evening, Cordelia got mouthy — for the first time all day, really. I suggested that the same should apply to her—each time she back talked, she should plunk a quarter in the poor box.

She shrugged and said, "Well, I don't care. I have a lot of money."

I hadn't packed for that.

But later, as I was tucking her in (as Cody was begrudgingly counting out his quarters) I told her how proud I was of her. That I could see the effort she was making to create peace and to be loving and respectful. She said — and this is how I know she's related to Cody and that things do have a way of getting through from us —"Well, I asked God for help. When we said our morning prayer!" (Each day, we say a prayer we made up: "Thank you, dear Lord, for this new day. Help me to be good in all I think, and do, and say. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Blessed Mother, too—please watch over my family, and keep me close to you.") So I said, "You sure did — you asked for help being good."

CML: And God answered me! I put a prayer in His heart. And then, he put goodness and kindness in MY heart!
SLL, through tears: He did. He put goodness and kindness in your heart the day you were born. Sometimes it's just hard to express it, but you did such a beautiful job today. And didn't it feel good?
CML: It did! I am going to do it all again tomorrow! I will just ASK for help being good, and then I will vacuum the WHOLE HOUSE, without being asked!

Hope, as we say, must always have the last word.

PS: I hope you people know how hard I work for these headlines. Hope and …CHANGE? Come on! : )