Teach Your Children Well

On Monday night, as I was clearing up dinner, the kids were peacefully playing. For two minutes. They then started squabbling about something, and even from the kitchen I could sense that Cordelia was the aggressor. I decided to try to let them solve it themselves. The next thing I heard was a bloodcurdling scream and then an outraged cry of pain: "MOMMY! SHE BIT ME!"

Sigh.

I ran in, grabbed her and put her in time out and yelled--really yelled, to make my point--"NO BITING!" She burst into tears (which was rather the point) and for a few moments there was just screaming in all directions. We got Cody ice and he crawled, sobbing, into my lap. "Mommy! It hurts me so much. Thank you for standing up for me!" I assured him I would always stand up for him, and that no matter what had gone on, this was under no circumstances an acceptable way for her to solve the problem. I then glared at her again (still wailing) and said menacingly, "What does Mommy say about biting?"

With cheeks red as her hair, she screamed: "DON'T TEACH ME! I AM FUSSING!"

Well, clearly. It was all I could do not to fall over laughing. If this is what she tells me at 23 months of age, what will she be like when she's 13?

I then informed her she could not come down until she apologized. She yelled back, "NOT apologize!" Cody and I duly turned our backs and began cleaning up the Legos, which, as it turns out, were the source of tension (he had them, she grabbed them, he grabbed back, she unleashed her inner vampire). Not liking this at all, she shouted, "Ready to apologize!" I eyed her and she added a muted "Please."

And what ensued was so cute I wished I'd had a camera. I told her to hug him and apologize. (He looked pained at this.) She stepped gingerly over to him and he opened his arms, rather generously, given the circumstances. They hugged and she said, "I apologize. Sorry for biting you. SORRY ABOUT THAT!" Ever magnanimous, he replied, "I forgive you." She pouted. He added loftily, "And now you have to kiss me where you bit me."

She did.

Today, all seems to be patched over.

But to anyone who ever attempts to discipline this child, take heed: Don't teach her! She. IS. FUSSING!